Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
Randomize
