My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
I just keep sniffing it hoping for an explanation.
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
Its was awkward last year cuz in the middle of it her mom bust In the room with noise makers and champagne
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
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