OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
We'll see haha. The cum didn't work...I just chewed the whole thing in a day.
I hope you meant gum...
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
Nana added me on facebook...i think i'll have to call her and warn her about my lifestyle before i confirm her as a friend.
Randomize
