Well you know what I always say about freshmen.... If you want it, and they've got it... get it.
I just need someone to hold me and tell me i dont turn boys gay
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
Had dinner with a married woman but didn't have sex with her. Tweeted at Mike Pence to apologize anyway.
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
Randomize
