drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
I would not be watching the debate if there wasn't drinking involved. Let's be honest.
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
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