There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
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