i just google imaged poop.
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
Randomize
