As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
I need more 20 something year old penis in my life
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
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