He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
So I am just swinging blind here, but I am guessing that blood in your sinus is not ideal
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
Dude that's beautiful. I've never heard of someone smoking with their bunny.
I feel like I have a connection with him. A marijuana-induced-spiritual connection.
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
Randomize
