My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
Hu mahhiw im so tired.i just got done. In fo dleepu. Aaaaaaahh. I qisj my mom filmed me. In axtunf so funny
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
It will be interesting
Isn't that your life's motto?
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
Randomize
