if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
Randomize
