do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
Randomize
