I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
No. I'm just saying it shows no signs of stopping. My dad was a man-whore well into his 50s.
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
Randomize
