I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
Randomize