Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
Sooo i definitely have a major burn on my chin from kenny's ...stubble from making out for hours while coked up. Pure class.
why is it impossible to run with a back pack without looking like a giant d-bag?
haha... you gave me a great visual of you in high white socks running with a backpack with eye of the tiger playing in the background
that only happened once.
you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
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