remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
She was sucking his dick at Seacrets outside bar in front of all of us...her friends kept coming over crying and yelling "Tiffany stop it"
was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
Randomize
