At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
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