she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
Then all the boys were saying that they were amazed at how much i could smoke...i'm so proud of myself
So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
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