why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
It's sad that he has such a beautiful cock and doesn't know what to do with it.
Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
I have to think about this realistically and not with my vagina.
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
Randomize
