hotel room ftw
today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
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