Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
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