Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
Speaking of gay, some dude in a life vest just goes, we should pull our dicks out! To larry. Were leaving now. I saw penis
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
Randomize
