I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
Randomize
