A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
Hey, met you at the bar last night. You probably dont remember my name. You and your friends came back to my place, you shattered my window with your fist then dipped. Your gonna need to pay for that.
Thats where this cut came from! Thanks for piecing together the puzzle dude.
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
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