this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
it was average length and chubby
so kinda like him?
now i'm wondering if all guys are shaped like their penis...
Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
Randomize
