Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
It says i should accept HIV aids as my friend on facebook.We have 12 friends in common. I need new friends.
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
Your shirt... Was in my pants
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
Randomize
