this kid at 40 friday greeted another kid by saying "heeey farmville neighbor"
dude.
yep. needless to say i didn't meet anyone and spent yet another friday night masturbating.
Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Randomize
