Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
Randomize
