Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
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