There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
Randomize
