I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame.
its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
Randomize