At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
Randomize
