Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
So getting a bj to I believe I can fly is one of the greatest things ever
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
On another note- any interest in going to a gay bar to hit on 19yr olds?
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
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