Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
On another note- any interest in going to a gay bar to hit on 19yr olds?
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
Randomize
