Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
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