is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
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