Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
I'm hosting my annual valentine's day party tomorrow with every hookup I've ever had. thoughts on how it will turn out ??
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
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