Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
Bought asot tix too. After Saturday I'm gonna be reborn like Jesus and no drugs until edc
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
um care to explain the stolen chinchila under greg's bed..i'd be fine with it if it wasnt chewing up the stash
Randomize
