well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
Randomize
