girl in front of me in lecture is looking up on ask.com about chlamydia.
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
Randomize
