You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
Awesome. Ask her out.
Nope. She's got a detail of ed hardy security around her.
Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
Zip lining have a big frozedn drink with 151 rum chippendale pic life is GREAT
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
I have feelings that need drinking.
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
Randomize
