At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
Randomize
