dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
nothing says platonic group sex like a campfire and smores
Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
My overnight senior got drunk and hooked up with Kaylee on Sunday. I checked Facebook and he already put down his deposit for next year. This school should pay me a commission.
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
i think i just lost a toe
Randomize
