would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
Randomize
