did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
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