garbage
garbage dick
rubbish cock
you win
my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
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