If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
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