I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
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