Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
just smoked a blunt while listening to nsync. i now know what my childhood was missing.
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
I miss vodka workout Fridays
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
I've been back for one day and I've already given two bjs. Improvement from last year.
I FOUND A VIBRATOR IN MY BABY BROTHERS ROOM. IM FREAKIN OUT MAN ITS BIGGER THEN MINE
put it back and chill out ok
NO FUCK HES 15 WHO EVEN SOLD HIM THAT HES A BABY
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
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