I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
Randomize
