Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
Boobs are out for the taking
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
Randomize
