not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
That's cool how's he been?
He got hit in the face with a beer bottle so he has two black eyes and 13 stitches.. He hasnt changed much.
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
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In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
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hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
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