Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
I paid your cover too so you're on the list as tits mcgee. You're welcome :D
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
This couple is walking their pig around campus
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
I was just dry heaving outside of the Chem building when a guided tour walked by. Welcome to the Maritimes kids...
Randomize
