the condom got lost in my hair
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
Randomize
