wake up i wanna do it froggy style
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
Randomize
