when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
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