so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
Randomize
