So you're telling me it's impossible to have a "slight case" of chlamydia?
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
We had sex during an intermission, then the second period. The bruins better win. Missing a period isn't worth having sex with him
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
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