Luol and I just scored with two 40 year old married chicks. They dropped us off on the way to soccer prctic. The kids in the back were confused. Call me.
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
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